After a very hard landing the flight attendant made the following announcement: Please remain in your seats with your belt securely buckled while captain Kangaroo bounces to the terminal with what is left of the aircraft. As the plane was slowing one of them said: "Whoa, big fellow, Whoa!" Then one announced that the pasengers should be carefull when opening the overhead compartments. With the landing we just experianced everything sure as H will be shifted. When exiting please be sure to take all your belongings. If you are going to leave anything be sure it is something we would like, but not your spouse or children. Anything else will be divided among the flight attendants. Then the captain came on and said that after the plane hit cruising altitude we not only turned the cabin lights down for your comfort but also to enhance the appearance of the flight attendants. All kidding aside though this  airline has some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none were on this flight. As for the hard landing, it was not was not the airlines fault, it was not my fault, it was the asphalt.